Every Sunday at twelve thirty my ipod alarm goes off, telling me it’s time to update my blog. And every Sunday, I turn it off and go back to sleep. Keeping up a blog, or rather a written account of my thought in essay-shaped posts, is proving to be far more challenging then I have imagined and more challenging then I have been able to cope with these last few weeks.
So, with that having been said, I would ironically like to move on to manners. Recently I’ve watched a very amusing episode of Showtime’s ‘Pen & Teller’* dealing with the subject. Most of what Penn Jilette screams during his voice-over sessions is surprisingly accurate, especially when the man’s love for swearing is taking into consideration. What he says can be summarized in a short and cleaner matter, like so: “There are good manners and there is nitpicking”.
Penn is of course, in saying that, hitting the nail on the head albeit very loudly and inconsiderate. In essence he is right, but in derivates, which he failed to even mention in his high-priced, overly-bombastic ‘documentary’.
Firstly, manners are by definition arbitrary. They’re a social dance aiming to replace more primal things of impressing other members of our species, because courting, showing teeth, flinging poo, revealing genitalia or simply fucking in a ballroom full of people would be considered rude, animalistic or outright illegal. So men devised a way to show a barring of such animalistic spirit in manners, a way of displaying learnedness, social viability and prowess, an aspiration which, in itself, does no harm to anyone. Come to think of it, good manners harm no one and cost nothing. Unless you seek the help of a manner consultant.
Mr. Penn would probably accuse such people of being ignorant self-serving killjoys, nitpicking bitches or the more refined bitch or whore. Wait, I’m actually paraphrasing, he wouldn’t probably say those things, he just did. What I think Mr. Penn needs to remember, is that these people are simply playing into a market of supply and demand, much like he is doing with liberals. Certain people feel socially insecure and feel a need to consult someone about manners, for they reason their lack of social skills may stem for a lack of manners. I think it very decent that we, as a species, have devised a protocol to be a platform for any short of kind of people to interact with any other giving specimen of our civilization, no matter what the difference, although I have to agree with the show, some people take it too damn far.
The only remaining argument Mr. Penn would have about the previous section, is the existence of a market for mannercoaches or the need for a socialprotocol. But, yet again, I’d have to disagree with him for the sake of nuance. Sure, you should be fine when you and your mates are over at Wendy’s and you feel like eating your burger as whole. But if others chose to, for the sake of manners, cut the burger in half before they do so, that should be fine as well.
Manners then, are for when they are appropriate. I mean to say by this that, when someone expects you to adhere to manners, whether that is because the situation dictates it or because he or she is just a snob, your inability to do so will factor into his/her judgment of you and any or all decision he/she makes concerning you. And you know what? That’s not even illegal. Even if you go on a job interview and you aren’t accepted because all the other interviewees have had training in manners, you still wouldn’t have a case, because it’s not discrimination to expect your employees to now etiquette and it’s not discrimination to bar those who don’t
In the end, it all boils down to a sense of appreciation. Even more important than knowing your manners is knowing when to use, not use and abuse then. And yes, given some situations I thoroughly approve of abusing manners, because it’s just such good fun.
P.H.B. Gaber
ceterum censeo carthaginem esse delendam
* Penn & Teller’s Bullshit!, season four, episode eight, “Manners”
